My name is Robyn and I am a 30-something year old with three wonderful kids. Samantha Kathleen, born in 2005, is going on 25 and sassy, just like her mom. Luke Widman, AKA Dennis the Menace, was born in 2008 and the funniest person I’ve ever met. Last is Andrew Anthony, born in 2012, and the piece to our puzzle that made us complete.
Life is funny because you never truly know what direction it’s going to go in. You may think you have it all figured out, but the second you begin to exhale the powers that be remind you that you only have so much control. I’m the type of person that has a hard time waiting for things. I hate to wait in line, I despise waiting for someone to make a decision, I’m not a fan of wondering “what if”, so I guess you could say I’m a bit impatient to put it lightly. What can I say, I like things to happen on my timeline. This however, is not how the world works and I’ve learned to simmer down a little and see that some of the best things in life are the unplanned adventures.
I’ll never forget: Luke was probably two years old when I started to get the itch for another baby. I never pictured my life with only two children, so having a third was always a no-brainer for me. Sometimes I seem to forget that I have a spouse and his opinion on certain subjects matter too. At this time Brian didn’t want to have a third, and I was devastated. In his eyes, we had our boy and our girl and life was good. All of that was true, but for the life of me I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was another little nut missing from our lives. I spent months doing everything I could think of to convince my husband that just one more baby is all I needed to feel complete. I wrote him a letter, cried, yelled; however, no matter what I did or said, our life was complete in his eyes as much as it was incomplete in mine.
I remember one day I had a friend watch the kids while I planned a night that I was positive would end in a baby. I bought myself a sassy outfit meant only for my husband’s eyes. Then I made dinner which, believe me, doesn’t happen that often. And I waited for him to get home from work to surprise him with a night of lovin.
As I sat on the kitchen counter with a glass of wine in my hand and dinner hot out of the oven, I got a call from Brian.
“Hey, what ya doing?” He asked.
“Nothing, just waiting for you to get home.”
“I’m running a little late, but I’ll try to get home as soon as I can.”
I hung up the phone and frantically put the food back in the oven and sat in silence. What to do, what to do? So I had a glass of wine. Then I had another, and then another. Next thing I know Brian is two hours late and I’m so drunk I can barely talk. When he walked through the door, I didn’t even hear him come in, so my plan of being sprawled out on the counter was a no-go.
He just looked at me and said, “What on earth are you doing?”
After the first sentence came out of my mouth, he could tell I was drunk and he just started laughing.
See, my husband is a smart man, and apparently my incognito plan to get knocked up wasn’t as subtle as I thought. Needless to say, he went and picked up the kids and I went to bed, ALONE.
After a couple of years passed, I finally became O.K. with the fact that we were a family of four, and let go of what I had pictured in my head. Brian and I were in a really good place and our family was complete, or so I thought. At this time maybe another baby wasn’t totally out of the question because we started to play with fire, and my husband was fully aware of what that outcome could be. Although we never had a formal discussion about trying for a third, I knew that if God had it in his plan, then what would be, would be.
Yada, yada, yada, Andrew Anthony was born on August 6th, 2012 and Brian and I couldn’t have been happier.
See the thing is, had I had another baby when I “thought” it was right, it would’ve been all wrong. My relationship with my husband would’ve suffered, and the stress of three kids under the age of 5 would’ve been too much for our family. I respect my husband for seeing things sometimes that I don’t see. I’m very much an instant gratification kind of girl, and he’s a thinker. That’s one of the reasons I love him so much. As hard as I’m sure it was for him to see the hurt in my heart, he knew (and I can’t believe I’m writing this) what was best for our family and for us at that time.
For all you moms out there feeling incomplete, know you’re not alone. Whether you end up with another little nut or not, there’s a point where you have to trust in fate and what her plan is. Cry on the bathroom floor and then shake it off, because sometimes the best plans are the ones we don’t make.
Robyn is a close friend and I for sure grant her the title of being one of the funniest people I have ever met. Personally I can not even count how many heart to heart laughs we have shared. She is authentic, incredibly funny and a beautiful person I am privileged to call my friend. Aside from her job as a licensed social worker in a local hospital, Robyn is a full time Mom and the author of the popular mommy blog “The confessions of a REAL mom”… You can follow Robyn at www.theconfessionsofarealmom.com